This communication tool, according to a relationship therapist, is used by emotionally intelligent couples to resolve conflicts and strengthen their relationships.

It's natural to want to highlight the specific actions of your partner that you find problematic when they upset you. However, a good couples counselor will advise you that doing so in an accusatory manner will not be well-received, regardless of the validity of your complaint.

Instead of accusing your partner of doing something wrong, express your feelings and experiences using "I statements," advises Lisa Marie Bobby, a relationship psychologist and founder of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching in Denver.

""By acknowledging that the other person may have a different perspective when using 'I statements,' you can reduce the likelihood of a productive conversation turning into an unproductive conflict," she explains."

There is 'a lot of personal responsibility' in 'I statements'

A partner is more likely to listen if they don't feel attacked.

Bobby says that taking ownership of our perspective without blaming others leads to personal responsibility and makes the other person more receptive to what we are saying.

I feel anxious about the upcoming exam.

Bobby says that there are still plenty of "I statements" that put the blame on the other person.

I understand your perspective.

She points out that while you're using "I," you're actually discussing the actions of another individual.

Bobby suggests that a more effective "I statement" could sound like this:

"Yesterday's events have left me feeling down. I'd appreciate the opportunity to discuss this with you. I'm eager to hear your perspective."

I understand that my experience is not the only one being had, and I recognize that I have a role in how I feel.

Bobby states that taking responsibility for your own feelings is both intentional and requires emotional intelligence.

"When using an 'I statement,' you acknowledge that the person you're talking to may have a different perspective than you do, which is a mental and psychological shift."

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