Over 1,000 kids have worked with me, and I've found that those with high emotional intelligence use these 6 phrases.

A parent's role is not to protect their child from life's difficulties but to assist them in overcoming them by providing support and resources.

I've worked with thousands of children and families dealing with illness, trauma, grief, and loss as a child life specialist and therapist. Through my observations, I've noticed the behaviors and expressions that indicate a child is learning to manage life's challenges effectively.

The ability to manage, tolerate, and reduce stress when it arises is what sets apart children with high emotional intelligence. They excel at identifying their emotions and employing positive strategies to cope.

Six things kids with high emotional intelligence might say are:

1. 'It's okay to be sad'

Those with high emotional intelligence are likely to have had trusted adults who taught them that it's okay to cry and that all feelings are acceptable.

Even during tough situations, it's natural to feel sad, angry, frustrated, or concerned. However, they've learned that it's also okay to have happy, joyful, or playful moments.

2. 'I need some space'

Kids with strong emotional management abilities can detect and control their feelings. They are aware of the indicators - quick thoughts, quickened pulse, tensed muscles, or a knot in the stomach - and are comfortable seeking assistance.

To cope with stress, they may retreat to their "coping corner" and utilize pre-planned tools such as pinwheels or blowing bubbles for deep breathing.

They probably acquired these skills through observing their parents demonstrating self-control and effective communication.

3. 'Are you okay?'

Children who possess emotional intelligence can identify emotions in others, comprehend that adults and kids may experience intense emotions during challenging circumstances, and recognize that people handle difficult situations differently.

When their friend is upset, they may need space or a hug, and it's okay.

They naturally exhibit empathy and easily listen to others, respect their needs, and work together.

Even when their parent is emotional, they can still be loved, cared for, and safe.

4. 'I don't like…'

Those who have practiced establishing boundaries for their desired treatment tend to possess high emotional intelligence. They can effectively convey their needs, desires, and emotions while being considerate of others.

I don't like when you use my things without asking" or "I don't like not knowing what to expect.

• "I'm not okay with…"
• "I don't want to talk about…"
• "I don't think it's nice/funny when…"

They're also thoughtful about respecting their peers' and siblings' needs.

5. 'I made a mistake'

Instead of being fearful of making or admitting to mistakes, a child who is self-reflective and free from shame is able to talk about it and problem-solve to improve the situation or circumstance.

They acknowledge that mistakes are opportunities for growth, learning, and development through challenges, and they recognize what they could have done differently or better.

6. 'I have an idea'

Emotional intelligence and healthy coping are characterized by confidence and creativity in problem-solving. Children who have experienced challenging circumstances have learned to collaborate with peers and trusted adults to discover practical solutions or move forward.

They are confident in expressing their opinions, ideas, and qualities while also actively listening and learning from others.

Navigating obstacles and consequences in a safe environment can help kids develop decision-making skills, flexibility, emotional awareness, and self-esteem.

It starts with you

Parenting plays a crucial role in the development of emotional intelligence and coping skills in children.

Children learn most effectively through observation and imitation of what they see.

Kelsey Mora is a Certified Child Life Specialist and Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor who offers tailored support, counseling, and resources to families affected by medical conditions, trauma, grief, and daily stress. She is the owner of a private practice, a mother of two, the author of The Method Workbooks, and the Chief Clinical Officer of the nonprofit organization Pickles Group.

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