Sociologist with a Harvard education: My top habit for emotional stability

I have been studying anxiety all my life because I suffer from it. I recall feeling anxious on the night before my fourth birthday, as time was passing quickly and I had not yet achieved any significant accomplishments.

My constant unease was one of the reasons I read widely about mental health and our brains. By understanding my own mind, I hoped to free myself from anxiety.

A study on neuroplasticity gave me hope, as it described the malleability of our brains. Neurologists examined the brains of Tibetan monks who had spent years in meditation and found that these men had unusually dense tissue in the brain regions associated with happiness, compassion, and calm.

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The monk's brain activity was so calm that the scientists measuring it thought their equipment was faulty. However, he had not always been so peaceful; he had struggled with severe anxiety and panic attacks during his childhood.

He transformed his brain through the use of "loving-kindness meditation."

My secret method for feeling better in minutes

Before I learned about this meditation, I stumbled across a similar concept.

I utilize KIST, or "kind internal self-talk," which I've employed for years. It has aided me in feeling more emotionally secure and less preoccupied with others' opinions. I frequently suggest it to my clients.

Here's how to do it:

1. Lead with kindness and compassion

I acknowledge the presence of my anxiety creature.

By focusing on kindness, you'll activate a part of your brain that is associated with compassion and won't be affected by anxiety. To achieve this, it's important to communicate with yourself as if you were addressing another being. Instead of referring to yourself as "me," speak to yourself as if you were addressing someone else.

Say things like:

• "You're okay."
• "I see you."
• "I'm here with you."
• "I can tell you're really scared."
• "It's all right."
• "Everything's fine at this moment."

The phrases that may seem trivial to your intellect can still help alleviate your anxiety, even if only slightly. Repeat the ones that work best for you.

2. Shift to your hopes for the future

As your anxiety decreases, silently offer yourself kind wishes, such as those from Tibetan loving kindness meditation.

• "May you feel safe."
• "May you feel peaceful."
• "May you be protected from all harm."
• "May you be happy."
• "May you feel free."

May you find peace and calm within yourself as you continue to offer compassionate "May you..." statements to your anxiety creature.

3. Use visualization

To ease your anxiety, imagine placing it in a cozy, padded container and carrying it in a small bag hanging from your shoulder.

I will keep my promise to notice when my creature gets worried and help it calm down whenever it needs my attention.

Martha Beck, a Harvard-trained sociologist, coach, and New York Times bestselling author, has released a new book titled "Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life's Purpose."

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The following is an adapted excerpt from "Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life's Purpose" by Martha Beck. Copyright © 2025 by Martha Beck. Published by The Open Field.