An educator and author advises against using these phrases to raise confident kids.
Frequently, it's the seemingly neutral comments that parents make that can exacerbate a child's insecurity.
Lily Howard Scott, an educator and consultant, aims to address harmful remarks in her upcoming book "The Words That Shape Us," with a focus on effective communication with young children.
"Scott, a former elementary school teacher for 10 years, says that one common misconception he hears is that children aged zero to five don't really matter because they can only come online when they can communicate fluently. However, research shows that this is not true."
A child may not appear to have understood what you are saying, but they typically internalize those comments.
Scott remarks that the manner in which we communicate with young kids shapes the way they converse with themselves.
Scott advises avoiding these three types of phrases to raise confident kids.
1. Comments that equate a child's character to their actions
Scott advises against using general language to link a child's inner self with their actions.
Instead of saying "You're not a good listener," you could say "You didn't listen well."
Rewritten: Their mistake does not define their character, and they can learn to improve in the future.
2. Praising a child for being just like you
It's understandable to be excited when your child exhibits similar hobbies or aptitudes as you. However, it's best not to use language that "affirms children for how much they are like you," she advises.
It's better to appreciate someone's abilities and passions without tying them to your own.
3. Acknowledgements of success instead of work
"Avoid language that celebrates product over process," Scott says.
You can commend your child's A on their vocabulary quiz, but also emphasize the effort they put into studying.
Expressing pride in someone's studying efforts can demonstrate appreciation for both the result and the effort put forth.
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