A therapist advises newly single individuals to 'embrace self-compassion' during the holidays.

A therapist advises newly single individuals to 'embrace self-compassion' during the holidays.
A therapist advises newly single individuals to 'embrace self-compassion' during the holidays.

Nicola Slawson, a London-based writer, got extremely drunk on Christmas Eve a few years ago in an attempt to forget about her ex-partner.

"Slawson, the author of "Single: Living a Complete Life on Your Own Terms" and the editor of "The Single Supplement," admits that she struggled with handling a heartbreak and believes she could have done better."

"Slawson admits that he is not usually the biggest fan of Christmas. He wakes up early and is the one who puts on the Christmas music, dances, sings, and brings the Christmas spirit. However, he confesses that he did not come alive until about 5 p.m. and felt embarrassed about it."

The first holiday as a newly single person can be emotional, especially if your ex attended the previous year's festivities. If you feel anxious about your upcoming family holiday party, it's tempting to make the same mistake Slawson did and overindulge.

To handle the holidays with grace, prepare mentally by anticipating emotions and questions.

1. Craft responses in advance

Planning ahead some answers to potential questions about your ex can help prevent upset, advises Lisa Marie Bobby, a relationship psychologist and founder of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching in Denver.

"To avoid getting emotional when your cousin asks about Timmy, you can prepare a response in advance. You can practice these scenarios with a friend or in front of a mirror."

She presents this script as an illustration: "Although it was a challenging choice, I am currently prioritizing my own well-being and would appreciate updates on your recent developments."

2. Recruit help

You don't have to weather this uncomfortable situation alone.

Bobby advises connecting with a trusted family member or friend before leaving, who can assist in redirecting conversations or offer a safe space if things become overwhelming.

Knowing you have someone to intercept questions or go on a walk with can put you more at ease, even if you don't end up needing their assistance.

3. Be honest

It's possible to deflect questions about an ex with humor, but sometimes the most effective way to end discussions about a past relationship is to let people know you're struggling.

"While we may resort to white lies to escape slightly awkward situations, it's also acceptable to simply state, 'That topic is not something I wish to discuss. Let's discuss X, Y, and Z instead.'"

4. 'Give yourself grace'

Navigating a major life transition during the holidays is no small feat," Bobby says. "Give yourself grace.

Slawson suggests that if she had not felt the need to present a cheerful demeanor, she may not have consumed as much alcohol on Christmas Eve.

"If I had been more self-compassionate, I could have acknowledged that it's okay not to have fun and not put on a brave face. I should have been kinder to myself and accepted my feelings."

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