12 tips for improving your small talk skills

Small talk can be easily bungled, as you may have experienced when saying the wrong thing at a staff meeting or a friend's housewarming party.

Mastering small talk can be challenging, but it's crucial for building relationships with evasive CEOs or difficult in-laws.

This year, CNBC Make It consulted with numerous experts on how to handle conversations with nonfriends, including what to say, questions to ask, and common mistakes to avoid.

Here are 12 of their best pieces of advice.

1. Don't try to be cool or deep

A benign comment likely initiated every enduring connection, whether personal or professional, according to speech trainer John Bowe in a CNBC Make It article.

Instead of trying to impress with profound or interesting statements, simply observe your surroundings and make a comment. For example, you could say "I've never been to this venue before, it's quite unique" or "I see a lot of familiar faces here, I wonder if we have any mutual friends."

"Although these openers may not earn you a Pulitzer, engaging in pleasantries doesn't make you superficial or insincere. You're taking a risk. If your language isn't groundbreaking, that's okay."

2. Tweak the boring questions

According to psychology professor Nicholas Epley from the University of Chicago, even low-risk questions can be made more interesting with a little creativity.

"Rewriting questions in a vulnerable manner may seem challenging, but it becomes easier once you begin searching for it," she explains.

Epley suggests the following swaps:

• What is your family like?
• What would you like to learn if given the opportunity?
• What advice would you give a high schooler?
• What's the best thing about where you grew up?

3. Focus on the other person

Bowe advises that inner commentaries such as "Am I being awkward?" or "Does the other person like me?" can distract from actually engaging with the other person.

"Bowe advises that since you have requested their attention, it is now your turn to give them yours. Focus on what they are saying and attempt to understand their motives."

4. Use 'support responses'

According to Matt Abrahams, a Stanford University lecturer and communications expert, people who excel at small talk employ "support responses."

When someone is narrating a tale, a skilled conversationalist will react in a manner that demonstrates their interest in learning more. Suppose a colleague is discussing their bothersome housemate. The opposite of a sympathetic response is a "turnaround response," which involves steering the conversation towards oneself.

A shift response would be to talk about your own bad roommate experience.

5. Nod more

Having a high emotional intelligence often implies being skilled in small talk, according to Abrahams. Abrahams notes that those with a high EQ recognize the significance of both spoken and nonverbal cues in communication.

Abrahams states that individuals with higher EQ are more likely to exhibit open body language, such as nodding more.

6. Match the other person's energy

The ability to read the energy of a conversation and match it through the technique of mirroring is a sign of high emotional intelligence.

Original sentence: "I had a great day at work today." Rewritten sentence: "Today was an amazing workday for me!"

7. Validate the other person

It's not the right moment to reveal tough realities during casual conversations. It's important to listen attentively and validate others' perspectives, regardless of whether you share their views or not.

To get more information from Abrahams, you can ask them more questions and provide more "backchannel" responses, such as "uh-huh" and "I see."

8. Avoid controversial topics

These topics, including abortion, banned books, and vaccines, should be avoided during small talk as they are taboo.

"Bowe suggests starting with simple and nearby topics that both individuals can observe together before delving into more complex subjects."

9. Prepackage some questions

SuChin Pak, a seasoned TV journalist, has conversed with some of the most prominent pop culture personalities, such as Britney Spears and Oprah. Although it is uncommon, she admits that there are times when she is at a loss for words. In such situations, she employs a "secret" technique for engaging in small talk that anyone can utilize.

Her secret to maintaining a conversation in any setting? "Always carry a few versatile questions with you," she advised CNBC Make It.

Two of her favorite questions to ask new acquaintances are: "What are your goals for your work?" and "What inspired you to pursue X?"

10. Ask for advice

Asking someone for advice is a simple way to show admiration and engage in small talk without giving a direct compliment.

A study from Harvard University and the University of Pennsylvania revealed that we prefer people who seek our guidance over those who wish us well. This is because we tend to think, "They were smart to ask for my advice because I am smart."

To strike up a conversation and show appreciation, you could inquire, "What factors did you consider when selecting your movers?"

11. Don't interrupt an ongoing conversation

It's best not to interrupt someone who is telling a very animated story. Instead, wait for a lull and then, once you have their attention and receive a non-verbal go-ahead, you can chime in.

12. Put your phone away

It might be wise to turn off notifications before entering a situation where you need to be fully present and attentive.

"Bowe advises that when conversing with someone, one should maintain eye contact, avoid looking at the ground or over their shoulder at another person, put away their phone, and be fully present in the conversation."

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