Understanding your teenager's behavior? Psychologists have advice.

If your household frequently features slammed doors, tantrums, crying, and one-sided conversations at the dinner table, you are likely raising a teenager.

While teenagers may be viewed as entitled and emotional, their behavior could indicate anxiety.

Natasha Riard, a clinical psychology lecturer and psychology clinic manager at James Cook University Singapore, stated that the overwhelming and powerful nature of anxiety leaves individuals feeling stuck in the storm, with their mind and body under its control.

Riard explained that the person experiencing anxiety wants the anxiety to stop, and the parent watching it wants it to stop too. However, once a panic attack starts, it's like a train that has left the station, and it will only stop at the next station. The journey between those stations is the experience of the attack.

Teenagers may face new challenges that require different methods to help them manage anxiety, and parents may not always know how to assist them effectively, according to psychologists.

Parents can better understand signs of anxiety in their children and provide helpful tips to alleviate it.

The signs

Psychologists suggest that regardless of age, individuals experiencing anxiety will respond to stressful situations with a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn reaction.

According to CNBC, the most common reactions are flight and freeze, where one may exhibit signs of panic and start crying or shaking, or even freeze up and dissociate from the matter by becoming silent and shutting off.

During a panic attack, you may become extremely anxious about your current situation. Your perception of reality may change, making the experience very frightening, as Eli Lebowitz, Co-Director of the Yale Child Study Center Anxiety and Mood Disorders Program, cautioned.

Adolescents, like adults, may exhibit a fight response when feeling anxious, which can be misinterpreted as tantrums or acting out.

Could the reason behind children slamming doors and shouting be anxiety? Riard pointed out that this is just another manifestation of anxiety.

Psychologists observed that children sometimes experience "high-functioning" anxiety and continue with their daily routine despite poor mental health.

According to Lisa Coloca, a psychologist and director at Melbourne-based Bloom Psychology Group and Bloom Community, young people often conceal their emotions and give the impression that everything is fine by appearing busy in a chaotic environment. However, what is displayed on their face or behavior may not accurately reflect their inner feelings.

Lebowitz from Yale advised that parents should be aware of certain signs, such as shortness of breath, body stiffness, and a change in skin tone, which may indicate an anxiety attack. Although anxiety attacks can appear frightening and uncontrollable, they are not harmful and parents should not panic, he emphasized.

Top tips to help an anxious teen

1. Validate their feelings

Experts suggested that parents often underestimate their children's difficulties and dismiss their emotions, even brushing them off.

Don't use an adult mindset on an adolescent issue. Saying "it'll be fine" won't help because it doesn't feel fine in the moment for them, according to Michelle Savage, a psychologist and director at Bloom Psychology Group and Bloom Community.

Parents may not always provide reassurance when children express their concerns.

James Cook's Riard stated that from a parent's perspective, we want to shield our children from suffering. However, an alternative approach is to view it as an opportunity for our child to express her emotions and fears, and to listen attentively.

It's important for parents to remember that children often don't need advice, but rather just want to be acknowledged and listened to.

"According to Yale's Lebowitz, author of "Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD," validating your child's anxiety will not increase their anxiety but rather make them feel understood and more likely to discuss it with you in the future."

To build confidence and gradually reduce a child's dependence on parents, parents should communicate to their child messages that combine acceptance and validation of the child's genuine fear or distress, along with confidence in the child's ability to cope with that distress, he added.

2. Share personal experiences

Knowing that they are not alone can be reassuring for a child or teenager feeling anxious.

Sharing personal stories of overcoming adversity can help them realize it's possible.

Savage suggested that parents should openly discuss their own internal dialogue about anxiety and have non-threatening communication with their children.

Rewritten: Encouraging the child to express their feelings about their presentation, and reminding them that they did their best, will help them feel understood.

"Teaching your child to manage their emotions is a challenging task, especially if you struggle with regulating your own emotions. To help your child learn to cope with their feelings, it's important to be open and honest about your own emotions, not just the positive ones. It's also important to start teaching these skills early on, rather than waiting until your child is 15 years old."

Psychologists advised CNBC not to share "big and inappropriate" problems with their children, including financial struggles or marital challenges.

3. Timing is everything

During an anxiety attack or when a child is anxious, the last thing they require is advice on how to resolve it.

According to Yale's Lebowitz, it's not likely that your child will be able to discuss the issue while they're experiencing intense anxiety. It's important to allow them some time to calm down before attempting to have a conversation.

Psychologists advised that conversations about managing emotions should take place before moments of anxiety, and providing your child with space while also being available if they need to reach out will be helpful.

Riard emphasized that while we frequently expect children to manage their emotions and apply psychological techniques, it is crucial for adults to assist them in co-regulating during challenging times. By doing so, parents can help their kids develop self-awareness of their thoughts, emotions, and how they affect behaviors.

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