Three phrases that mentally resilient individuals never use, according to psychologists and an executive coach.
Everyone needs a bit of resilience at some point in their lives.
To overcome adversity, such as a tough breakup, a difficult skill to learn at work, or recovering from surgery, one must possess mental toughness and self-reassurance.
According to psychologists and executive coaches, mentally resilient people never use these three phrases: "I can't handle this," "I'm not cut out for this," and "I'm a failure."
'I can't deal with this'
Many individuals cope with challenging, stressful, or uncomfortable circumstances by avoiding them altogether. This response may trigger their "fight-or-flight" instinct, leading them to become defensive or tell themselves, "I can't handle this."
According to Jason Shen, an executive coach based in Brooklyn, New York, mentally resilient individuals adopt a unique strategy, known as "tend and befriend," which involves leaning on their community for support rather than shutting down or avoiding their problems.
During stressful periods, even if you instinctively experience an adrenaline and cortisol rush, you can still take conscious steps to gain the benefits of tend-and-befriend, as Shen wrote in CNBC Make It in March.
A 2022 public health study by German researchers found that having strong relationships and social support can increase resilience. To boost your mental well-being, consider joining a peer support group or scheduling regular coffee chats with friends and colleagues, Shen advises. These interactions can provide a safe space to share your thoughts and receive valuable feedback from those closest to you.
"It becomes increasingly difficult to maintain relationships with loved ones as time goes on, according to Shen. To combat this, set aside a specific time each week, such as Monday evening or Friday lunchtime, to connect with a close friend or family member in person or virtually."
'I'm the victim'
In times of hardship, you may feel helpless, but you're not. Allowing yourself to become a victim can make your problems seem insurmountable and lead to self-doubt or self-pity.
Psychologist Cortney S. Warren recommends building strength and self-determination to overcome circumstances by saying "I'm not going to let myself be a victim" or "I can get through this."
"Warren wrote in Make It last year that emotional resilience is linked to grit and mental toughness, and that it involves being able to endure hardship without being broken. He explained that resilience means shifting from a victim mindset to one of growth when facing mistreatment."
'Yes' when you don't want to
You can stop constantly taking on extra work or saying "yes" to requests you can't fulfill.
Setting boundaries is crucial for mentally resilient individuals, according to psychologist Jessica Jackson, who advised Make It in 2022. Saying "yes" to everything may make you appear eager and accessible, but it can also lead to burnout, stress, and negative emotions.
"Resilience is commonly misconstrued as independence, such as 'I'll shrink to help others,'" she stated. "However, resilience entails prioritizing your own needs."
If you have dinner plans with a friend but need to stay home and rest, you shouldn't feel bad about rescheduling. Additionally, if you need additional support at work because your brain is scattered, you can ask a manager or teammate for that support.
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