Simple Phrases Used by Parents to Raise Mentally Strong Kids

Achieving one's full potential requires mental strength, regardless of intelligence or athletic ability.

In my book, "13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do," I emphasize that raising mentally strong kids involves teaching them how to handle challenges, regulate their emotions, and have confidence in themselves, rather than simply telling them to "toughen up."

By using simple yet powerful phrases, you can help build children's mental strength, emotional intelligence, and problem-solving skills. Incorporating these 10 statements and questions into daily life creates a safe environment for kids to learn, fail, and grow.

Your words have the power to bring about significant changes.

How would you advise a friend facing that issue?

If a child is upset, they may engage in negative self-talk, such as saying "I'll never pass math." It can be tempting to reassure them, but doing so can teach them to depend on others to reframe their negative thoughts.

When they contemplate how they would comfort a friend with empathetic language, their mindset transforms and they learn to communicate with themselves with kindness.

2. 'It makes sense you feel that way'

Acknowledging and empathizing with your child's emotions makes them feel heard and understood. This helps them feel less anxious about expressing their feelings and fosters trust, encouraging them to share their struggles with you.

This implies that children's emotions are legitimate, even if they may be somewhat exaggerated.

It's acceptable to experience sadness, but not to behave in this manner.

It's crucial for children to understand the distinction between emotions and actions.

Teach them that it's normal to experience emotions like anger or sadness, but it's not acceptable to harm others. Use this chance to show them how to manage their emotions, such as through deep breathing or discussing their feelings.

Mastering the art of managing emotions is crucial for navigating life's inevitable highs and lows.

4. 'Let's solve this together'

It's crucial for children to develop problem-solving abilities, even when they are upset or facing difficulties.

When you propose collaborating on a problem, you reassure them that they won't have to face challenges alone by demonstrating a helpful strategy.

Gaining confidence in their decision-making ability, they benefit from seeing that there are multiple solutions to the same problem.

I hope you feel accomplished for all your hard work!

Praising effort rather than just results can teach children to value perseverance over perfection. For instance, if you only praise them for their high grades, they may believe that their report card scores are more important than honesty or integrity.

When kids feel proud of their effort, they develop self-motivation and resilience in the face of setbacks.

6. 'What were you brave enough to fail at?'

Can we view failure as a sign of bravery rather than something to be feared?

Discussing failure openly with children motivates them to attempt new activities, push beyond their comfort zones, and develop self-assurance through their efforts, regardless of the results.

7. 'What can we learn from this?'

Instead of dwelling on the negative when something goes wrong, kids can focus on growth and learning.

It helps them develop a mindset of curiosity rather than self-criticism by teaching them to see setbacks as opportunities for improvement.

Do you need to address the problem or manage your emotions regarding it?

The distinction between external challenges and internal reactions is crucial. For instance, if your child is anxious about a challenging math problem and wants to avoid doing the worksheet, it may temporarily alleviate their anxiety. However, avoiding math can lead to long-term problems.

It's better to acknowledge our nervousness about getting the problem wrong and work through it rather than avoiding it.

Helping children distinguish between their situation and emotions allows them to manage their reactions and recognize when to adjust their perspective.

9. 'What's an exception to that idea?'

The question helps children challenge and reframe their beliefs by focusing on exceptions.

Your child will develop a more adaptable and realistic outlook on themselves and the world by recognizing that their thoughts are not always accurate.

10. 'Let's talk about what we're grateful for today'

Practicing gratitude regularly can enhance children's well-being. Encouraging them to focus on the good things in their lives, even during tough times, can help them develop a positive mindset.

Teaching gratitude to children helps them develop emotional resilience and encourages them to focus on the positive aspects of life.

Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, clinical social worker, and instructor at Northeastern University. She is the author of several books, including "13 Things Strong Kids Do: Think Big, Feel Good, Act Brave" and "13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do." Her TEDx talk "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong" is one of the most viewed talks of all time. Follow her on Instagram and Facebook.

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