Self-help author shares the 3 most common "people-pleasing" behaviors at work and provides tips on how to stop them.

Selflessly prioritizing others can be admirable, but the tendency to always put others first may have some negative consequences.

If you find yourself feeling emotionally drained and unable to say "no," or you fear losing your status as an exceptional employee, you may be in trouble, according to Hailey Magee, author of the self-help book "Stop People Pleasing and Find Your Power," published in May.

"According to Magee, people-pleasing involves prioritizing others' needs, feelings, wants, and dreams over your own, even if it means sacrificing your own. This goes beyond being kind and generous; it involves putting others first at the expense of your own."

In the workplace, Magee, who assists clients in managing their people-pleasing behavior, stated that the trait typically manifests in three ways.

1. Refusing to communicate your requirements, such as additional time or a longer deadline, despite having already taken on more tasks.
2. Taking on additional responsibilities for your colleagues on an assignment or group project, resulting in exhaustion.
3. Yielding to societal expectations, such as adopting a different language or speaking softly due to gender.

People pleasers are a common trait among U.S. adults, with 49% of respondents in a 2022 YouGov survey saying they're definitely or probably people pleasers. According to Wharton organizational psychologist Adam Grant, professionals who identify as "givers" at work and often ask the question "What can I do for you?" tend to be well-liked by their bosses and colleagues.

"People-pleasing can make us appear easygoing, happy, or flexible on the outside, but we often feel resentful, overwhelmed, or overworked on the inside," said Magee.

How to kick the habit when it turns harmful

Recognizing when people-pleasing is negatively affecting you is crucial, Magee advised. Be mindful of instances when you exceed expectations for others and assess the resulting physical or emotional impact on yourself.

Magee stated that many people have a habit of people pleasing without being fully aware of it, and it is helpful to become conscious of this behavior. He suggested paying attention to signs that something isn't working for us, such as when am I people pleasing?

To avoid being compelled by your tendencies, you can create a new habit of removing yourself from situations that trigger them. As author and leadership coach Melody Wilding wrote on LinkedIn in February, try developing a "personal policy" around your emails and other messages. Give yourself a grace period before responding to anything that isn't truly urgent.

To ensure you have time to complete daily tasks, you may choose to stop accepting meetings after 2 p.m. Alternatively, you can employ "strategic silence," as Wilding suggests, by intentionally remaining quiet in situations where you might typically offer to take on additional work or assist someone else. This practice will help you think before acting and give you a greater sense of control, as Wilding writes.

Helping others at work doesn't have to be a constant task, but doing so occasionally can make you feel happier and improve your workplace relationships. However, it's important not to make it a habit, as Magee advised.

Being a people-pleaser can harm us more than it helps, but it can also benefit our workplace if we show up rested, balanced, and not feeling resentment towards our colleagues.

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