Saying "you can do anything" to kids isn't always the best approach. Instead, here's how to motivate them.

It can be counterproductive to tell your child that they can do "anything."

According to Joanna North, a consultant psychotherapist, the statement "You can do anything" is positive but overly generalized.

She suggested that we should provide specific examples to children and emphasized the importance of practicality, as she spoke to CNBC via video call.

She acknowledged that we face limitations in life and that working within those limitations is necessary.

Why parents might tell their children ‘you can do anything’

Emma Kenny, a psychologist and broadcaster, stated that psychological theory in children over the past 50 years has emphasized building self-esteem in kids. According to Kenny, telling children "You can do anything" can make parents feel like they are creating opportunities rather than limitations in their child's life.

The belief that children are miracles can lead to the mindset that "you can do anything," as parents might express.

Albert Bandura, a Canadian-American psychologist, developed the theory of "self-efficacy" between 1977 and 1997, which posits that individuals who believe they are capable of accomplishing a task are more likely to engage in it and persist in their efforts.

Kenny emphasized the importance of instilling goal setting and ambitions in children, stating that these are crucial themes that parents should focus on. He advised parents to look beyond extrinsic qualities and focus on the intrinsic qualities of their children.

Be careful what you say

North said that telling a child they can do "anything" is vague and could be dismissive. She explained that saying "You can do anything" could mean that the speaker is not really thinking about what that might entail.

North stated, "I could have benefited from assistance in determining my focus, through a process of experimentation and mistakes. However, we can aid children in honing in on their unique talents."

According to Kenny, it's all about achieving a balance between creating realistic expectations and anticipation without making people feel restricted.

She stated that knowing your limits to some extent is not about dampening your aspirations. Instead, it is about focusing on the aspects and elements that have a positive impact on your life.

How to inspire your child — and help them learn from failure

North advises parents to observe their children's interests and hobbies to determine their strengths and motivations. She suggests paying attention to their physical and musical engagement to determine if they are likely to become people who enjoy helping others.

To encourage children to try new things and learn from failure, North suggests teaching them to take small steps.

North encouraged them to try a new food by taking a mouthful.

If a child has ambitious aspirations, assist them in comprehending that the journey to attain them may involve experiencing setbacks.

If you were to become an astronaut and land on the moon, which is an extraordinary feat, you would have undergone extensive training and experienced a great deal of fear and failure. Additionally, you would have had to learn to endure these challenges.

It's important to strike a balance between allowing children to play or create freely and setting some restrictions.

In our fast-paced world, we often expect immediate gratification, but it's important to help your child understand that not everything can be achieved instantly.

North stated, "It is necessary for us to learn to endure these fundamental emotions and instill in our children the strength and resilience."

The education effect

Not all children thrive in education systems that prioritize academic thinking and rely on tests to evaluate progress, according to Kenny. She explained that from the moment a child enters the education system, their success or failure is determined based on their performance. This can create a sense of inadequacy among children who are average or below average, she said.

Instead of expressing dissatisfaction with the school system, Kenny advised parents to encourage their children to focus on their own strengths and attributes.

It's better to say, 'You know what, that might not be where you shine, but you are absolutely incredible at painting. You're absolutely incredible at helping your dad fix the car. It's about saying, "You can do anything where you're skilled, you can do anything where you actually have a natural inclination for it,"'.

It's better to be realistic and help kids understand that pain promotes resilience, which in turn leads to success, Kenny said.

“Realistic optimism” can help kids, Kenny said.

She stated that while teaching children to aim high, it's also important to teach them about the realistic expectations of the world and the importance of hard work.

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