Psychotherapist advises the best way to raise mentally strong children: "Allow them to do their own work."

You might feel the urge to intervene when your child is upset about not playing with their friend at recess or being angry about their sibling getting a larger slice of cake.

Teaching children to handle challenges is key to building mental strength, rather than protecting them from every difficulty. Allowing kids to take responsibility for their emotions is one of the most effective ways to foster mental resilience.

Parents should not protect their children from discomfort as it hinders their ability to develop essential skills to cope with life's challenges.

Instead of learning to cope with disappointment and frustration independently, they learn to depend on others to alleviate those difficult emotions.

By coaching kids to manage uncomfortable emotions, you can help them develop into strong, capable individuals.

What to avoid: Don't become your child's 'emotional manager'

Over-managing emotions can harm children's long-term mental health, as studies show that children who don't learn to self-regulate are more likely to struggle with anxiety, impulsivity, and social difficulties.

If you're taking on the role of "emotional manager," that might mean you're responsible for managing the emotional well-being of others.

• Instead of cheering up your child immediately by distracting them with jokes or treats, it's important to teach them how to confront and deal with their emotions directly.
• Stepping in to soothe them can hinder their ability to learn self-soothing techniques, but comforting is part of being a parent.
• Rushing in to mediate when your child expresses frustration or makes a mistake can hinder their ability to develop problem-solving skills.

What kids gain from taking charge of their own feelings

While having strong emotional regulation skills can help kids manage their emotions, it doesn't mean they won't experience sadness, anger, or frustration. However, they will be better prepared to handle life's challenges on their own. They will possess:

• Under pressure, they'll remain calm, enabling them to think clearly and solve problems effectively.
• Stronger relationships will result in individuals being more likely to express their feelings in healthy ways and better able to recognize how their friends feel, leading to easier interactions and the ability to build stronger friendships.
• Better academic performance is linked to emotional regulation, as shown by studies.
• Early emotional processing in children can reduce the likelihood of developing anxiety or depression later in life, according to research.

How to teach kids to regulate their emotions

Being a "hands-off" parent is not the same as helping your child manage their emotions. Instead, it involves being a supportive presence who trusts their ability to handle life's emotional ups and downs.

Allowing your child to confront their emotions helps them develop the resilience needed for success in all aspects of life.

Here's how to do it:

1. Model healthy coping skills

Demonstrate how to handle stress to your child by saying, "I'm feeling overwhelmed, so I'm going to take a deep breath to calm down."

By exhibiting these behaviors, they will gain a better comprehension of emotions and recognize their ability to control their feelings.

2. Normalize tough feelings

It's okay for your child to feel sad, angry, or scared. Instead of viewing these emotions as negative, teach them to recognize them as important signals.

It's common to feel disappointed when things don't go as planned. This is our brain's way of indicating that we truly cared about the outcome.

3. Encourage problem-solving

Instead of quickly resolving your child's emotional challenge, guide them through it.

Can you see that you're upset? What do you think we can do to improve the situation? They may not have all the answers right away, but with time, they'll come up with solutions.

4. Teach emotional skills

Help your child develop emotional management skills by incorporating activities such as deep breathing, drawing, journaling, or taking a short walk.

5. Validate feelings while teaching socially appropriate behavior

When your child is upset, you can acknowledge their emotions while maintaining boundaries around behavior. If they're disrupting or hurting others, you can say, "It's okay to feel upset, but not okay to act this way."

I understand you're feeling overwhelmed. Can you tell me about some coping strategies you've been working on?

6. Recognize and praise their progress

When you notice your child managing their emotions independently, celebrate it.

I appreciate your decision to take a break when you were feeling upset.

Positive reinforcement goes a long way in helping them keep it up.

Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, clinical social worker, and instructor at Northeastern University. She is the author of several books, including "13 Things Strong Kids Do: Think Big, Feel Good, Act Brave" and "13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do." Her TEDx talk "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong" is one of the most viewed talks of all time. Follow her on Instagram and Facebook.

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