Ivy League psychologist reveals the typical error she committed while raising her three children: "If only I had never been that parent"

There's no such thing as a perfect parent, says Tovah Klein.

According to child psychologist, author, and director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development, being a parent is humbling because it constantly reminds us of our imperfections, with probably daily occurrences.

Parents can teach their kids to become healthy, successful adults by making mistakes and owning up to them, according to Klein.

Despite being considered experts, even they are not immune to letting their emotions control their parenting decisions. In her new book "Raising Resilience," published in September, Klein discusses instances where she allowed her emotions to influence her parenting of her three now-adult children.

"Like most parents, Klein raised her voice in heated moments on more than one occasion," she says. "I could really yell at my kids," she admits, pointing to "rough times" in the evenings when her children were younger and could become rowdy between dinner and bedtime.

Sometimes, the rowdiness during arguments could escalate to loud and embarrassing situations, causing Klein to feel uncomfortable if people visited her home at 6 p.m. Although yelling is common and understandable during heated arguments, it is not ideal, and parents should work towards resolving the issue once everyone has cooled down.

""I regret being the parent who overreacted and fought with my kids, but I did, and I had to own up to it shamelessly," Klein admits."

How and why to apologize to your kids

In her book, Klein discusses how unresolved difficult moments can lead to a "disconnection" in relationships, which can have negative consequences. Raising your voice or lashing out, even during a heated moment like a toddler's tantrum, can be disruptive and potentially frightening for the child.

If a child misinterprets their parent's outburst as a more severe and prolonged incident, it can result in self-blame and shame, which can have detrimental long-term effects on their mental health. Research from a 2013 study in The Journal of Child Development shows that children who frequently experience yelling are more likely to develop behavioral issues, low self-esteem, and depression.

To mend the relationship and alleviate their child's concerns, parents should promptly express their regret, advises Klein. Her advice is to be "sincere and forthright." This can be as straightforward as admitting, "I regret raising my voice," or, "I am sorry for my actions. I should not have behaved that way."

According to Klein, apologizing models the kind of positive, mature behaviors that parents want their children to emulate. It brings relief to your child and provides a model of how to deal with anger and disruptions in other relationships in their lives going forward.

Being open with your kids about your mistakes and accepting the fact that you can never be perfect will benefit both you as a parent and your kids as they grow into mature adults, according to Klein.

"I'm most proud of the moments when I could remind myself to be the adult in the room, even when it was challenging," she says.

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