Ivy League psychologist reveals the 3 tactics highly persuasive people use in arguments.
When you find yourself nodding to something you disagree with, take a moment to calmly present your argument.
According to Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, learning how to disagree effectively can improve your relationships and make you more convincing. Grant shared this advice on the "What Now? with Trevor Noah" podcast.
"People are advised to compromise and choose their battles wisely in relationships, but this often results in treating them as delicate, according to Grant in an August 15 episode. As a result, we never develop the toughness needed for more significant discussions."
Disagreements don't have to lead to conflict if they are handled calmly and respectfully. As Grant wrote in his 2021 book "Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know," it's important to assert your point of view, listen actively to the other side, and engage in a constructive dialogue.
"While productive disagreement is a vital skill, many of us struggle to fully develop it, according to Grant. However, engaging in constructive arguments can not only enhance our interpersonal relationships but also improve our creative abilities."
Disagreeing effectively can enhance your originality and set you apart as a leader, research suggests. Moreover, having difficult conversations constructively can help you maintain a reputation as an agreeable person who is well-liked by colleagues and recruiters.
Here are Grant's top three ways to get better at disagreeing:
Keep conflicts task-oriented
Task conflicts and relationship conflicts are the two categories of disagreements, according to Grant. A task conflict centers on a specific problem: How can we quickly boost our company's revenue? In "The Sopranos," was Tony Soprano good, evil, or morally ambiguous?
Grant wrote that assuming negative things about a person can hinder progress and productivity. For example, thinking that Tony is bad is a sign of ignorance, and not liking a solution to increase sales is a sign of being stubborn.
If you can remain open to other perspectives and focus on the task-specific problem, you may be able to generate more solutions together, as Grant suggested.
"When a conflict becomes personal and emotional, we tend to become self-righteous in our beliefs," Grant wrote. "Task conflict can be beneficial when it promotes diverse perspectives."
Frame disagreements as debates instead of arguments
If a conflict feels like it's starting to get personal, ask the other person if they want to debate.
Rewritten: "By stating that you're going to debate rather than disagree, you convey that you're open to considering the other person's perspective and inspire them to do the same, as if you were both scientists, not preachers or prosecutors."
Grant wrote that it is more productive to hear someone out rather than cutting off the conversation at the first sign of disagreement, even if it is not necessary to change someone's mind.
By engaging in debates, you can discover shared perspectives with the other person without having to compromise your own beliefs.
"A good debate is not a competition, but rather a dance. If you try to dominate, your opponent will resist. However, if you adjust your arguments to match theirs and work together, you'll find a rhythm and achieve a more productive outcome."
Be someone you'd like to debate with
Effective negotiators are skilled at finding common ground and asking more questions than average negotiators, according to Grant.
Studies suggest that strong arguments are more effective when they have only a few key points, rather than a lengthy list of supporting evidence. This is known as the dilution effect, where weaker claims can weaken a well-constructed argument.
Grant stated that disagreements do not always result in concessions or compromises. Instead, they can provide insight into the other person or issue and lead to progress.
"Establishing the right motives is as important as making a good argument when trying to convince others," he wrote.
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