It's challenging to be the only breadwinner in the family when earning 5 times as much as your spouse.

Together, Annie, 39, and her husband, Emery, 43, make a healthy income of $223,200.

They appear to be living comfortably on paper, owning their home and two rental properties, with over $236,000 invested. Recently, they traveled to Lisbon, Portugal, to see Taylor Swift, as they shared with self-made millionaire and money expert Ramit Sethi on his "I Will Teach You to be Rich" podcast.

Annie, an accountant, earns $187,200 on her own, which accounts for over 80% of the household's income and is five times more than Emery earns in video production.

"The financial disparity has posed a challenge for me," Annie stated on the podcast. "As the sole breadwinner in the family, it's been difficult to manage the finances on my own. I wish Emery could contribute financially as well, even though he does so in other ways."

Sethi discovered a more profound problem beneath the surface. He described Annie as an "optimizer," who strives to optimize everything, including maximizing credit card points, investing extra dollars, and managing rental properties, despite the added stress.

"Sethi informed her that her behavior with money was resulting in negative consequences, but she didn't seem to realize the connection."

Sethi offered his perspective on their situation and proposed a reconfiguration plan.

'It actually becomes dysfunctional'

Sethi advises couples on his podcast to be aware of their financial numbers, including income, expenses, and savings, in order to accurately assess their financial health and make necessary adjustments.

Annie is fixated on the numbers of her and Emery's investments, to an excessive degree. For example, she holds onto an investment property that requires costly regular maintenance and doesn't generate a profit for the couple, and uses the stock market as a "modified savings account" to maximize her returns on the money she sets aside for large purchases.

She pressures Emery to increase his income by getting a regular salaried job or to make his business more consistent.

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Sethi pointed out that while these behaviors aren't problematic individually, they're collectively causing stress in Annie and Emery's relationship, which is unnecessary.

"Sethi stated that at a certain point, their constant worry about the future and focus on optimizing everything would lead to total unhappiness."

'You're on track to be multi, multi multimillionaires'

Annie disclosed that her family history may be the source of her fears about money, which prompt her to over-optimize in an attempt to maintain control. She shared with Sethi that her dad's illness during retirement has made her both eager to enjoy life now and ensure she's financially secure in case her health requires her to stop working.

Realizing that her income disparity with Emery frustrates her because it's beyond her control, Annie also recognized this issue.

"I can't control the amount he earns. I must simply allow him to proceed as he chooses," she stated. "I dislike the reality that I have no influence over it."

Emery has been trying to establish his business but has been hindered by having to take time away from his work to maintain their rental properties or care for their children. "Over the past few years, every time I tried to gain traction, I felt like I had the rug pulled out from underneath me left and right," he said.

Annie and Sethi agreed that she has work to do on her relationship with money, even though Emery could triple his income next week.

Sethi often states on his podcast that the correlation between the amount of money in one's bank account and their feelings about money is highly uncorrelated.

Sethi stated that the couple's ability to save for the future and still enjoy life today is already achieved, as they have an annual income of $223,000 and their expenses are covered in their area. As a result, they are on track to become multi-millionaires.

Check out their full episode here.

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