Instead of asking "Why 'how was school?' isn't a good question to ask kids," a better alternative would be: "What was school like today?"

According to psychologists, asking children "How was school?" and "How was your day?" aren't the most effective questions to inquire about their school experience.

Dr. Linda Papadopoulos, a psychologist, author, and broadcaster, explained to CNBC via phone that the question "How was your day?" could have numerous meanings.

She remarked that broad questions are frequently answered with 'it was okay'.

She stated that they may still be in a "performance" mindset because they were asked questions all day.

According to Dr. Martha Deiros Collado, a child psychologist, both adults and children require a break from their daily routine after work. Their primary focus during this time is usually on food, entertainment, play, and relaxation.

Why it’s such a common question

According to Deiros Collado, author of "How to be The Grown-Up," children spend more time at school than with their parents during the week, which often leads to curiosity about this topic.

She remarked that parents often overlook the fact that they, too, would respond with a "fine" or a roll of their eyes when faced with the same question as children.

Asking "How was school?" every day can become a "lazy habit," Deiros Collado said. She emphasized that this does not bring new information or connection between you and your child.

What to say right after school

Wait for your child to be ready to talk, Deiros Collado advised.

She advised focusing on how it feels to see your child at the end of the day, such as saying "I am so glad to see you." Additionally, she suggested noticing whether your child arrives home with a lot of emotions and withdrawn or all smiles and giggly.

You seem to be feeling anxious. Can you tell me what's bothering you?

When to talk to your child

According to Papadopoulos, timing is crucial. Instead of asking about their day the moment they get in the car when you pick them up, wait until they're in a more relaxed state.

"Before bedtime is a great chance to talk, especially if you're lying next to them, as it can be more relaxed and less confrontational than doing it face-to-face," she said.

Conversing with younger children can be facilitated through engaging in an activity together.

Pick up some play-dough, a coloring book, or a puzzle, and then ask, 'Do you remember what you were saying about year 2 being different? Is it true?' This approach makes the conversation feel less like an interview, according to Papadopoulos.

Questions to ask instead

To connect with your child about their day and hear about it, you need to start by modeling how to discuss your own day, Deiros Collado stated.

Someone brought in a cake at work and it was my favorite flavor. This idea of sharing is often critical in helping them open up as well.

Deiros Collado advised, "Discuss something authentic, something that has amused, astonished, or evoked memories for you, someone you've spoken to, your lunch, or how you felt today. This can increase the likelihood that your child will also share about their day."

The cat sat on the windowsill.

"What" is a more effective way to start, Deiros Collado stated.

• “What made you laugh today?”

• “What was your favorite thing that happened today?”

• “What did you enjoy most about playtime or lunch today?”

• “What did [a teacher or friend] say today?”

Deiros Collado emphasized the importance of discussing emotions with children, as they can reveal a different perspective on their day.

For example, you can ask:

• Did you experience sadness today? What occurred to improve your mood?

• Despite it being challenging, what did you manage to accomplish?

• Have you ever felt lonely? If so, how did you handle it?

Feelings versus facts

Papadopoulos advised separating feelings from facts when a child says they are doing badly at school.

Remember that your child's peer group is crucial to them, and it's important to be open to discussing their concerns on their schedule.

As they grow older, their peer group will often be their first point of contact, Papadopoulos stated. "It doesn't mean there's no room for you; it just means you may need to find a way to communicate with them on their terms."