Having kids while moving to Amsterdam and paying off loans: 3 millennial moms share their major money moves

My mom, who has four kids including me, once told my older sister, "If you delay having a child until you can afford it, you'll never have one."

My sister's personal financial situation was not the main focus of my comment. Instead, I was reflecting on the fact that the cost of having kids is difficult to predict and plan for accurately.

Over the years, your child's needs and your own may change, so while you can obtain short-term estimates for diapers and day care expenses, it's difficult to predict the long-term costs.

The cost of having children has always been high, but it has become even more expensive for the current generation of new and potential parents. Child-care costs have increased by over 260% since 1990, while prices for essential big-ticket items such as housing, higher education, and health care have become unaffordable for many.

With the increasing costs and pressures, many Americans are choosing not to become parents. This aligns with my personal feelings as I am not interested in having a baby at the moment. Despite seeing numerous pregnancy and birth announcements on social media from my friends and community, I am curious about how they can afford to start families and what motivates them to do so.

During this spring and summer, I interviewed several women, both personally and otherwise, who have joyfully welcomed children into their lives.

Some followed the traditional path of getting married, buying a house, and having children when the time was right. Others had to take extreme measures, such as relocating to a more affordable area or taking advantage of another country's pro-family fiscal policies.

Three millennial women share their experiences of strategies, sacrifices, and circumstances that made them feel comfortable and confident as parents.

Having a house outside of Baltimore made us feel comfortable having children.

Marie Medina, 28, and her husband, Daniel, felt ready to start having kids after achieving the major financial milestone of homeownership. However, they didn't necessarily plan it that way.

In 2018, the couple got married and considered moving around before settling down. However, they fell in love with their church and community in Columbia, Maryland, and bought a house there in 2019.

Medina says that having a house made them feel comfortable having children and represented stability to the couple.

Their desire to have children was always certain, it was just a matter of when they would welcome them into their family. They welcomed their first daughter in late 2020 and their second in 2023.

"Although we didn't buy a house specifically to have kids, having a house made us more likely to want children."

Their two little girls are raised by Medina, who runs her own photography business from home, while her husband works as an engineer, thus reducing their need for regular child care and easing the financial burden of parenthood.

Medina says they were able to absorb the increased costs of food and other expenses without drastically changing their lifestyle because they had enough room in their pre-children budget.

'Before having a child, I had to pay off my debt.'

Yolanda Cando-Gilleran, 29, is constantly preoccupied with thoughts of money and has always aspired to become a mother.

She, an elementary school teacher married to a human resources professional, knew it would be challenging to provide her kids with the life they desired in New York City. To make their dream of having kids more financially feasible, she and her husband relocated from the Bronx to Portland, Oregon, in 2021.

Although Cando-Gilleran made less money teaching in Portland, the family's expenses decreased, allowing them to save more, live frugally, and prioritize paying off their private student loan debt before having their first child.

"If I didn't have student loans, we could have started trying for kids earlier," she says. "But I knew I needed to take care of my private loans first because the interest rates were so high, and I didn't want to burden a child with that financial burden."

She paid off her debt shortly after her daughter was born in March 2023, despite the process taking slightly longer than anticipated.

Cando-Gilleran and her husband saved enough money for her to take time off before the birth of their daughter, as Oregon did not have a family medical leave policy at the time. Now, Oregon is among the states that offer such leave.

"Although we live frugally, I believe that many costs accumulate over time, such as the numerous takeout meals I ordered after giving birth, which felt necessary but quickly added up in cost," she remarks.

"Taking a chance on our abilities to be responsible and frugal, and living paycheck to paycheck, was a significant decision to afford having a child," she admits.

Government support in Amsterdam put a new mom 'at ease'

For much of her life, Alejandra Rojas, a financial educator born in Colombia and currently residing in the Netherlands and Maryland, did not desire to have children.

"From Colombia, families with numerous children struggle to provide for them, and many children lack families. The 29-year-old reflects on this, wondering if bringing a child into the world would be possible and if it would be a fair life for the child."

In 2023, her pregnancy was unexpected but welcomed, and she felt confident in her ability to have the birthing experience she desired and receive support from the government in the Netherlands, where her partner's home country is located.

Newborns in the Netherlands can bring in cash payments of up to 282 euros per quarter for their parents, along with tax credits to help with child care expenses.

Rojas was able to have the at-home birth she wanted because new mothers are eligible for a nurse to visit them for up to 10 days after delivery. "It gave me peace of mind knowing that I could be at home and be okay, and not have to go through the hospital," Rojas says.

Raising children can seem daunting, even though having a baby may have been generally more affordable in Amsterdam than back in the States.

Having a child can be a significant financial commitment, but once you make that decision, the costs can become more manageable because it becomes part of your vision for your life. You can reallocate your spending to accommodate your new priorities.

"It always sounds like a lot, doesn't it? And it is a lot - child-care costs, diapers, and all of those things," she remarks. "But at the end of the day, you'll earn that money and spend it on other things."

Earn more money at work by taking CNBC's new online course, "How to Negotiate a Higher Salary." Expert instructors will teach you the necessary skills to increase your paycheck, including preparation, confidence-building, effective communication, and counteroffer crafting. Pre-register now and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for a 50% introductory discount through Nov. 26, 2024.

Sign up for CNBC Make It's newsletter to receive expert advice on work, money, and life.