An Ivy League behavioral scientist offers tips on how to say "no" without feeling guilty.

It can be challenging to say "no," especially for people-pleasers and early-career workers dealing with demanding bosses. However, it's essential to establish boundaries.

Focus on how your decision will benefit you personally rather than how the other person will respond, advised behavioral scientist and Cornell University associate professor Sunita Sah in a LinkedIn podcast episode that aired last week.

Raised to be obedient, she said, "I was known for being an obedient daughter and student. Compliance was good, defiance was bad, and I was rewarded for being obedient. That's where it starts for many of us."

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Saying no to extra work when you already have a full schedule doesn't make you lazy or a poor team player. It shows that you prioritize your long-term productivity and mental health. By focusing on doing yourself a service rather than doing someone else a disservice, you might find saying "no" a lot easier.

"Sah stated that reframing a negative connotation to a proactive positive force in society is crucial. He emphasized that defiance is a skill set that can be practiced and utilized, rather than being a fixed personality trait."

How smart people say 'no'

In 2021, Juliet Funt, the author of "A Minute to Think," shared her insights on CNBC Make It.

1. "May I take a day to get back to you?"
2. While I can assist you this time, I won't be able to do it for you consistently.
3. "It won't work for me to..."
4. "I can't, but here's another option for you."
5. "Let's look ahead in our calendars, even though it's not good for me now."

"Coming up with specific words to reject a request can be challenging, as it's easy to appear too blunt, overly excusatory, or uncertain while trying to be confident."

In her 2024 book "Smart, Not Loud," communication expert Jessica Chen advised that it is more effective to be smart and not loud.

"We can suggest alternative times for others to check in when we have more free time, or provide other avenues for them to explore," Chen wrote.

Funt pointed out that you can always "get it out and say nothing more."

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