Advice from a self-made millionaire to couples who are struggling with the salary gap and expect to earn 4x more in the next two years.
In 2022, Nate and Serena were newly engaged and grappling with managing their finances as a couple. Their main issue was that Serena was earning almost twice as much as Nate, as they shared with self-made millionaire Ramit Sethi on his podcast episode. Sethi, who is also the author of the new book "Money for Couples," offered insights on how to navigate these financial challenges.
In the show, Serena pointed out a typical occurrence: when Nate is covered on joint expenses like travel and dining out. "The problem now is that there is no plan, so I'm completely in the dark about when and where I can expect to be paid back," she stated.
Nate is a doctor who is finishing up a multi-year residency, while Serena is a full-time writer. In 2022, Serena made $80,000, while Nate made about $45,000. This salary disparity caused tension between them, but Sethi helped them accept that it was a temporary situation that would be resolved when Nate finished his residency. On paper, Nate's salary would increase significantly once he became a fully-fledged doctor, with an average salary of $350,000. Nate believes that he has the potential to make even more money given his specific specialty.
Sethi emphasized the importance of enhancing their communication skills regarding money, so that when one partner is financially secure, they can avoid arguments about who pays for what.
If you don't make any changes, you will continue to argue and spin about money, making it even more painful because one of you will say, "Why are we fighting about money? We make $400,000 a year," and you won't know the reason.
In 2024, the couple returned to Sethi's podcast, and although Nate is still in residency, he is now much closer to receiving his full-time salary.
They've been implementing Sethi's earlier advice and are preparing to potentially quadruple their income.
'I wish Nate could treat me'
Nate and Serena's disagreements over paying for dinner were a result of their differing expectations and desires. While Serena knew she would only be the breadwinner temporarily, she often struggled with feeling taken care of and would hesitate to pay for Nate's portion.
"I wish Nate could treat me, but tonight might not be the point when we'll get to that," she said.
Sethi encouraged her to focus less on the financial aspect of their relationship and more on what she truly desired. Sethi emphasized that feeling secure and cared for doesn't necessarily mean Nate has to pay for everything. Instead, both partners need to work together to support each other.
"Sometimes being taken care of can be more than just having someone pay for dinner, it can also involve planning and making reservations," he said. "There are many things that can be considered as taking care."
Nate's financial situation worsened when he felt pressured by Serena to pay for things. Speaking with Sethi helped him understand the importance of better communication and acknowledging his gratitude for Serena's financial support, while also seeking more emotional support and reciprocated consideration.
Sethi believes that as Nate's income increases, the couple will be able to determine the specifics of their budget, but the key is to openly discuss money and express honest emotions about it.
'Things are going to start changing'
Nate had less than a year left of his residency, followed by a year-long fellowship, and expected to secure a job paying in the mid six-figures. Meanwhile, the couple was planning their wedding.
Although they felt more confident discussing money and overcoming obstacles together than they did two years ago, they understood that their financial situation could become precarious once Nate becomes the primary breadwinner.
"Nate emphasized the importance of keeping one's view forward, stating, "It's crucial not to lose sight of your focus." As he approached the conclusion of his financially challenging chapter, he added, "Things are about to change.""
The couple plans to aggressively pay off Nate's $450,000 worth of student debt once he's making more and put extra money toward retirement accounts he had to largely ignore in his twenties.
Nate was worried about the nearly half a million dollars in debt he had, but Sethi helped him accept that it would become manageable with his massive salary, as long as the couple didn't upgrade their lifestyle significantly.
Sethi stated that although one can accumulate a significant amount of debt, like Nate, having a corresponding substantial salary makes it merely a matter of adding extra zeros.
Sethi advised the couple to prioritize their debt management and long-term financial goals, such as saving for retirement and buying a home, while also allocating time and funds for enjoying their relationship.
"Because of the hard work and partnership, you get to live out your dreams. Don't overlook that part; it's the best part."
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