A Yale-trained career coach reveals the 2 strategies she employs to combat her own perfectionism: "It was never just going to stop"

Jordana Confino knows firsthand the dangers of perfectionism.

Despite having degrees from Yale College and Yale Law School and securing top legal jobs, she became increasingly anxious. She worried about disappointing those around her if she couldn't continue to excel, as she recently shared on "The Happiness Lab," a podcast hosted by Yale psychology professor Laurie Santos.

"Confino, a career coach and adjunct law professor at Fordham University School of Law, stated that she never believed it would stop. She always felt that achieving one more milestone would allow her to live the life she desired."

After 150 hurdles, she realized that she needed to do something different in order for it to happen.

Over the past four decades, perfectionism has increased significantly, as indicated by a 2018 study by the American Psychological Association. While perfectionists may have more motivation, their behaviors can lead to low self-esteem, stress, depression, and anxiety, according to research.

Perfectionism is not a choice, it's a necessary course, according to Confino. To combat perfectionist tendencies, she recommends taking two steps.

Imagine your inner critic and push back

Rewritten: Write down your self-critical thoughts in a journal, Confino advised. Then, analyze your word choices and tone. She expressed some of her own self-critiques: "You're not good enough, you're weak, you're lazy."

When these thoughts arise, I envision a tiny green goblin perched on my shoulder, whispering these things to me," she stated, explaining: "This helps me disconnect from the thoughts.

Rewritten sentence: You are not good enough to accomplish your goals. Alternative version: You are capable of achieving your goals if you put in the effort and work towards them.

Confino said, "You greet it with compassion and say, 'Hey, listen, we're going to try a softer approach here,'" which can help you recognize that your inner voice tries to be helpful, but ultimately isn't.

Set healthy boundaries

What if perfectionists struggle to decline additional tasks? In such cases, Confino ponders:

1. Is my desire to do this motivated by excitement or fear?
2. What am I giving up if I say yes to this?

Rewritten: "Assessing the tradeoff of saying yes to a new request can help you understand the toll it takes on the people you love the most, as they may only receive a shadow version of you once you've given all you have to others," Confino stated.

Confino revealed that she waits for at least two hours before responding to whether she will accept a new project. This approach has helped her feel more content with her work in recent years, she stated.

Debbie Sorensen, a clinical psychologist, advised CNBC Make It last year that people-pleasing tendencies, such as saying "yes" to every request or agreeing to unreasonable deadlines, can lead to burnout and cause your career goals to be overshadowed by those of others. To combat these habits, setting boundaries is essential.

Setting boundaries at work can be uncomfortable, but before adding more responsibilities, pause and assess if you truly need to take on that additional work. Avoid the impulse to say 'yes' to everything, Sorensen advised.

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