A psychology professor and child development expert claims that parents of resilient kids consistently perform these 7 actions.

Resilience goes beyond just bouncing back from setbacks or adapting to changes; it involves developing the capacity to withstand and recover from adversity.

Through my 30+ years of experience working with children and their parents, as well as conducting research and studies, I have gained a more nuanced understanding of resilience. I view it as a set of traits that parents can impart to their children through daily interactions.

While facing adversities can help build resilience, it's not the only way to do so.

To raise resilient children, here are seven steps you can take on a regular basis.

1. Ground yourself to help ground them

If you get caught up in your child's or teenager's emotional turmoil, it's not a desirable situation. However, by actively working to regain your balance, you can assist them in finding their own calmness.

Regain your balance by thinking of a mantra like "I am calm and centered."

• "I am the adult here."
• "This is just one moment in time, and she isn't trying to hurt me."
• "This won't be forever; he's just little."
• "I must keep myself centered; my child needs me."

Steadiness will help steady your child when you remind yourself that you're okay and can handle this.

2. Create routines

Each day presents numerous transitions, which can lead to uncertainty and stress.

A predictable routine helps children feel in control and more independent, as they anticipate what comes next and what is expected of them.

The more routines are in place, the steadier people feel.

If your child consistently hangs their coat on the same hook, eventually they will be able to do it independently. Similarly, if they have a designated spot for homework after their afternoon snack or clothes laid out for morning dressing, they will become proficient in these tasks.

Daily routines offer stability and prepare individuals for larger transitions, whether planned or unforeseen, such as moving to a new house or school, starting a first after-school job, or facing unexpected events like natural disasters or the loss of a loved one.

3. Let your child know you believe in them

If you demonstrate faith in your child's abilities, they will develop self-confidence, even in challenging circumstances.

Ask yourself:

• "Can my child handle this challenge?"
• "Is her frustration okay?"
• "Do I trust him to figure this out?"

Allowing children to attempt solving problems on their own using their own ideas and resources can help them build confidence and self-esteem, whether they're playing at the playground, dressing themselves, or working on a chemistry problem set.

Having you on standby to help if needed provides them with the confidence to attempt.

4. Remember: Negative feelings are necessary

Helping your kids handle difficult emotions is key to building resilience.

If a child is not mocked or disciplined when experiencing negative emotions, they learn to recognize, accept, and cope with them.

Allowing a child to be upset can be challenging as a parent, but if you believe your role is to make them happy, it can make managing their negative emotions more difficult. You may feel like you've failed.

Rewritten sentence: It's okay to feel hard things, like sadness or anger, because all feelings are normal and you're loved no matter what. By accepting and processing these emotions, you can learn to move forward.

5. Be reasonable and kind, as best you can

Kids learn to treat others kindly if they observe you exhibiting those qualities.

When you set boundaries and allow your child to express their opinions, they will learn to treat others with respect. However, if you are harsh with your child, they may learn to use the same tactics to get what they want or need.

When kids are struggling, your instinct might be to shout, scold, try to dominate, or belittle them.

Sending a message of unwavering kindness, "I am always here for you, no matter how you feel," assures them of your care and support.

6. Apologize, repair, and reconnect

No one is flawless, and it's unrealistic to expect perfection. Relationships involve bonding, trust, and sometimes, unexpected disruptions and disconnections. You may lose your temper, which can be frightening for a child or teenager.

Repairing with a sincere apology and recognition of your role is crucial.

• "I'm sorry I yelled like that."
• "I apologize. I should not have done that."
• "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you earlier."

By assuming accountability, your child can experience relief and learn how to handle conflicts in other relationships, such as with friends or romantic partners.

The repair and reconnection that children need can help them understand that the disruption is not their fault, preventing shame from developing.

Be prepared for your child not accepting your apology immediately, and be open to their reconsidering it later.

7. Be your child's buffer to help keep anxiety at bay

You establish a safety net for your child and teen during challenging times in their lives.

A child can face a highly charged or frightening situation with confidence, knowing that you will be there for them, providing support and staying calm.

By managing your own anxiety and fear during crises, you can provide your child with the support and guidance they need to learn self-regulation as they grow.

By providing them with tools to cope with stress, trauma, and life's challenges, we can help them become more resilient.

Dr. Tovah P. Klein is a psychology professor at Barnard College and the director of its Center for Toddler Development. She has authored two books, "How Toddlers Thrive" and "Raising Resilience."

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Rewritten: Help children develop resilience by teaching them coping skills and encouraging them to seek support when needed.