A psychologist and a recruiter suggest 3 healthy alternatives to oversharing online for those seeking social support.

Recently, I've been texting my friends more often when something unexpected happens in my life, instead of posting an Instagram story as I used to do.

Many people, including myself, are not hesitant to share personal details, especially when feeling upset or hurt. This year, some are posting their layoffs on TikTok, while others are sharing voice messages from their exes online.

Self-disclosure, or the act of sharing personal details with others, is a natural urge, according to Shira Gabriel, a psychology professor at the University at Buffalo. This practice helps individuals build connections with others.

Gabriel, a researcher who studies human socialization and the importance of belonging, believes that expressing details on social media has become easier due to the influence of other users.

Gabriel states that the norm for online users is to be nice, at least for the most part. When we detail a hurtful split or frustrating experience, "we want people to validate our thoughts."

"People desire social support," she states. "They seek others to share their hatred for certain individuals."

Gabriel warns that the need for connection in the present could harm future relationships with potential friends, partners, or employers. Posting details about a person you were previously close to or a past employer could signal that you're not trustworthy.

A layoff can lead to new professional opportunities, according to Eliana Goldstein, a career coach and founder of Eliana Goldstein Coaching. However, it's important to avoid appearing as a "disgruntled employee."

If you're feeling frustrated or angry about being laid off, it's understandable, but be mindful of how you express those feelings in a post. Your audience may only see your perspective and may question your attitude as an employee, not the company's decision to let you go.

Goldstein remarks that social media is a double-edged sword, with its benefits and drawbacks depending on how it is used.

When drafting a social media announcement, it's crucial to remember that respect and kindness are essential, as she emphasizes.

According to Gabriel and Goldstein, there are three healthy ways to self-disclose after a personal or professional split.

1. Wait before posting

Gabriel advises that if you're considering a split, it's best to sleep on it first to ensure you're making a well-informed decision.

She assures that you will still experience satisfaction even if you wait 24 hours.

It's challenging for humans to consider the long-term consequences of their actions.

Gabriel suggests that writing in a journal can be a safe option, as you can pretend that someone will read what you wrote, which still satisfies the need for self-disclosure.

2. Vent privately to people you trust

It's beneficial to express your emotions after being let go from a company you've been with for a long time, but it's better to discuss those feelings with loved ones rather than posting about them on social media, according to Goldstein.

Seeking advice from a trusted mentor who doesn't work at your company can help you process complex emotions and receive guidance for your next career move.

"Goldstein advises sharing confidential information only with trusted individuals, rather than openly discussing personal frustrations or emotions with the world. While it is ultimately up to the individual to decide how to share their feelings, they should be aware that doing so may have implications for their employment."

3. Share a measured post

Gabriel advises that if you feel the urge to post on social media about your breakup or layoff, you should make it vague. It's best to keep the details for your immediate circle.

Gabriel suggests that creating a balanced post after a friendship ends or a romantic breakup may seem more believable or persuasive. To achieve this, one should take responsibility for the ending and avoid namedropping if upset. Instead, highlight any positive aspects or lessons learned from the experience.

I am leaving my current position, but I will always cherish the memories and lessons I gained during my time there.

Goldstein concludes by stating his future career intentions and how he will apply the lessons learned in his next job. He may also mention specific projects he is proud of or colleagues he will miss.

Goldstein says that he's really looking forward to his next opportunity and the ability to continue making a positive impact in the world.

She says, "You're just trying to present everything in a positive light because an employer who sees that will think, 'Wow, they highly respected their company and their employees.'"

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