A Harvard-trained EQ researcher and mother shares three phrases she consistently tells her children to enhance their emotional intelligence.

With numerous stressors and stimuli, particularly from our mobile devices, it often seems as though everyone is pressed for time and patience, regardless of age, making it challenging to truly connect with others.

Raising emotionally intelligent children is challenging, even for Harvard-trained EQ researchers and mothers of three, given the current demands on our attention.

I started a side business selling card games on Amazon six years ago to help individuals develop "human skills" such as emotional intelligence and critical thinking in a fun and accessible manner.

I am passionate about sharing what I've learned about supporting our children's emotional needs. Here are three phrases I use to help my kids develop emotional intelligence.

1. "How would you describe this feeling?"

It is our responsibility to help kids develop their emotional literacy so they can better understand and manage their feelings when they throw tantrums.

We can help children recognize and articulate their emotions by teaching them more specific words like "frustrated," "disappointed," or "nervous," instead of just saying they're "sad."

In order to enhance children's self-awareness and social awareness, parents can incorporate emotional vocabulary into their daily routines in several ways.

• As you listen or sing to a song, describe the emotions it stirs within you.
• Discuss the potential emotions a character may experience during a TV show and reflect on how you would feel in a similar scenario while watching it together.
• At the conclusion of the day, discuss the emotions felt throughout the day.

Parents should avoid labeling emotions as "good" or "bad" and instead help their children understand the values and needs that underlie their feelings.

Today, I'm not feeling my best, but that's okay.

We can unintentionally create an unrealistic standard for our kids by hiding our emotions as parents, which can ultimately lead to a yelling outburst.

It's important to demonstrate healthy emotional expression by discussing our feelings with our children in a way they can comprehend, without overwhelming them with our problems.

Instead of hiding our guilt and pretending nothing happened, we can use our "grumpy pants" as a teachable moment for working through a difficult emotion. Be honest about it and model the six steps to a good apology.

By openly expressing our own emotions, we show our children that it's okay to have strong feelings and the importance of discussing our actions and making amends.

3. "Your emotions are real and valid"

It is crucial to co-regulate with our children and avoid dismissing their emotional scrapes with phrases like "Suck it up" or "It's not a big deal." Children take their feelings seriously and they can be overwhelming.

In my workshops, I emphasize the significance of acknowledging emotional experiences and then role-modeling emotional expressions. This teaches children that they can manage their responses to painful and anxiety-inducing situations, despite not having control over what happens to them.

I have discovered that emotionally intelligent and resilient children utilize a broader range of creative coping strategies in my research and the creation of my card game, 52 Essential Coping Skills for Kids. Here are three coping exercises that I consistently suggest to help both kids and adults effectively manage challenging circumstances.

• Gather your unpleasant feelings and imagine them as dark clouds. Take a slow, deep breath through your nose and exhale, blowing away those emotions. Think: "Inhale calm, exhale storm."
• When you feel embarrassed about that thing you did, turn it into a hilarious tale and chuckle at the absurdity of it all.
• Humming can help calm your mind and body. Pick your favorite song and hum along. Feel the vibrations spread across your body, and the stress start to melt away.

As a Harvard-trained educator and EQ researcher, Dr. Jenny Woo founded Mind Brain Emotion and developed a series of educational card games and mental health tools to help people develop human skills in the age of AI. Her award-winning card games, including 52 Essential Relationship Skills, 52 Essential Social Skills, and 52 Essential Life Skills, are used in over 50 countries. Connect with her on LinkedIn, YouTube, and Instagram.

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