A Harvard-trained EQ expert shares three things emotionally intelligent people consistently do with their smartphones.

Imagine a typical situation where Person #1 is conveying something significant to Person #2. However, Person #2 becomes preoccupied with scrolling through their phone rather than paying attention.

Can you identify with either Person #1 or Person #2, or possibly both?

You've likely experienced phubbing, or the act of prioritizing your phone over others. This behavior sends a clear message: "My phone is more captivating and significant than you."

My research on emotionally intelligent digital etiquette reveals that phubbing undermines trust and weakens connections, making others feel lonely, insecure, resentful, and dissatisfied with the relationship.

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In public settings, individuals frequently engage in phubbing to evade direct interactions.

Many of us are unaware that we have developed a habit of performing this behavior automatically and compulsively.

Emotionally intelligent individuals are aware of their blind spot and take three steps to remain present instead of allowing their phone to dictate their focus.

1. Plan: Set intentions before social interactions

Individuals with high emotional intelligence establish specific objectives for their phone usage, particularly in social situations, to minimize the urge to check their emails or social media. They anticipate their needs and plan accordingly using "if-then" statements to minimize decision exhaustion.

For example:

• "I'll put my phone on silent and wait until the meal is over before checking it when I'm having a meal with someone."
• "I'll jot down any work-related tasks I need to do on my phone during a meeting and handle them afterward."
• "To ensure that I don't interrupt the conversation, I'll inform the other person before checking my phone and explain my actions."

When they accidentally lose focus during conversations, they use the same technique to mend relationships: "If I notice my gaze is on my phone rather than the person I'm speaking to, I will put my phone away and say, 'I apologize for that, I'm fully focused on you now.'"

2. Pocket: Keep the phone further away

Studies have shown that having your phone within reach, even when it's turned off, reduces cognitive capacity.

Individuals with emotional intelligence are skilled in recognizing human behavior patterns and utilize all available resources to ensure their actions align with their interpersonal objectives.

To enhance mental freedom and productivity, emotionally intelligent individuals establish physical boundaries by keeping their phones in their pockets or in a separate room.

When self-discipline weakens, environmental frictions can help maintain focus and minimize the risk of distractions.

3. Pause: Establish phone-free zones

Our brains are kept in a highly reactive and excitable state due to constant and unpredictable phone notifications. On average, it takes 23 minutes to regain focus after checking a phone, according to research. These distractions often pull us away from meaningful work and interactions without our realization.

Individuals with emotional intelligence recognize the significance of controlling impulses driven by dopamine. They achieve this by intentionally taking breaks from their phone usage, either scheduled or through the use of apps that promote downtime.

During conversations or team sessions, disable non-essential notifications and put your phone on "Do not disturb" mode to minimize digital distractions.

Establish "phone-free" zones on the dinner table or in the bedroom and make agreements with family, friends, or colleagues to maintain authentic presence and connection.

To break the habit of phubbing and foster deeper, more meaningful connections, plan your phone usage, set boundaries, and manage notifications. Your phone will always be there, but the moment in front of you won't be.

As a Harvard-trained educator and EQ researcher, Dr. Jenny Woo founded Mind Brain Emotion and developed a series of educational card games and mental health tools to help individuals develop human skills in the era of AI. Her acclaimed card games, including the 52 Essential Relationship Skills, 52 Essential Critical Thinking, and 52 Essential Conversations, are utilized in over 50 countries. Connect with her on LinkedIn, YouTube, and Instagram.

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