A communication expert suggests that to influence others, you should make one significant alteration in your speech: it makes you appear more powerful.

Some individuals believe posing inquiries to acquaintances, colleagues, or superiors may portray vulnerability or insecurity.

According to communication expert Matt Abrahams, asking the right questions can help you gain influence and change the minds of those around you, even with a simple act.

"According to Abrahams, a Stanford University lecturer, posing a question can give you an advantage. "By asking a difficult question, I can elevate my standing and diminish yours," he says to CNBC Make It."

Demonstrating empathy, willingness to learn, and the ability to admit not knowing everything are valuable tools and assets for career growth and deepening relationships, according to him.

Effective leaders maintain a balance between credibility and humility, as well as possess a willingness to learn and connect with their colleagues, experts suggest. However, not all questions will aid in advancing your influence, Abrahams emphasizes. It is crucial to understand the context, timing, and purpose of your questions to maximize their impact.

To succeed and improve relationships, one should know how to ask the right questions in various settings, such as work, home, and social life, according to him.

The recipe for a good question

Good questions contain three elements, says Abrahams:

• They're concise, so the listener doesn't get distracted
• They expand upon the previous statement, contributing to the discussion rather than restating or summarizing.
• The conversation centers on a specific topic or its main point.

Abrahams emphasizes the importance of brevity, clarity, and focus in conveying the purpose of the statement.

Before asking any question, it's important to consider your intention or goal. Do you want to show that you're listening and understanding, or that you're very interested in the subject at hand? Perhaps you want to subtly help the other person understand another perspective, or simply move the conversation along.

Abrahams highlights one of the worst intentions: seeking participation points in workplace meetings. He advises that questions should always be thoughtful, as failing to contribute to clarifying a point or advancing a conversation may result in colleagues rolling their eyes at you.

How to practice asking questions

To become skilled at asking effective questions, especially those aimed at persuading, influencing, or changing someone's mind, one must practice. Abrahams suggests starting small and treating casual interactions as interviews, with the goal of learning more about the other person or conversation topic.

To improve your question-asking skills, consider using a chatbot like ChatGPT for shorter phrasing, or seek feedback from a trusted colleague after a meeting or serious conversation.

Before asking anyone anything, it's crucial to listen to them, Abrahams emphasizes.

"Listening to others is beneficial as it shows them that you are present and interested in their perspective. This can lead to a more collaborative approach to problem-solving, which can strengthen relationships in the long run."

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