A child psychologist from an Ivy League institution argues that "tough love" is not the key to building resilience and success in children. Instead, the expert suggests a different approach.

Typically, parents desire their kids to be resilient, capable of bouncing back from difficulties and managing challenges as they journey towards adulthood.

"According to Tovah Klein, a child psychologist and director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development, "Tough love" may not be the most effective method for achieving the desired outcome. In her recently published book "Raising Resilience," Klein discusses alternative approaches."

"A common misconception about resilience is that it involves a tough love approach, such as 'Buck up and just do this,'" Klein explains to CNBC Make It. "However, I believe a more empathic and connected approach is necessary, like saying 'This might be difficult, and I'll be here to support you when you're done.'"

Psychologists argue that while a tough love parenting approach can be effective in keeping children from breaking rules, it can also harm their self-esteem and independent thinking when taken to an extreme.

According to Klein, shielding children from negativity or disappointment won't help them develop resilience. Instead, they need to experience setbacks so they can learn to handle tough moments with maturity and develop the motivation to keep going.

According to Klein, children who have parents who are always supportive, regardless of the situation, are more likely to develop mental toughness and resilience that will help them overcome life's toughest challenges. Klein emphasizes that this message is: "I believe in you to get through this difficult thing, and I'll be here for you no matter what the outcome, whether you succeed or fail, whether you come in first or last. I'll always be here for you."

Klein highlights a common misconception among parents that resilience is an inherent trait, when in fact, it can be learned and modeled. In her book, she presents "five pillars of resilience" to demonstrate how parents can help their children develop mental fortitude.

To help children develop emotional regulation, it's important to regularly check in with them about their feelings and assure them that your love and support will remain constant, regardless of their emotions. This unconditional acceptance can foster the confidence they need to be resilient as they grow and become more independent, according to Klein.

The best way to prepare kids for life's challenges is by providing them with steady love and support, which instills in them the belief that they won't be alone.

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