Planning for one's estate can be challenging. Unexpected provisions in a will can make the process even more complex.

• Dealing with a deceased parent's estate can be emotionally challenging if the estate plan does not go as planned, such as when there is an uneven distribution of assets among children or a previously unknown heir emerges to claim a share of the estate.
• According to a 2023 LegalShield survey, over 36% of people with a will claim that their beneficiaries will discover surprises in their will.
• "Avoid drafting a will or an estate plan out of anger, advised one expert."

Dealing with the estate of a deceased parent can be an emotional process for children who are already grieving.

If the estate plan does not proceed as planned, the emotions involved can become more complex, such as an uneven distribution of assets among children or the emergence of a previously unknown heir who seeks a share of the estate.

Discussing your estate plan with your family before death can prevent feelings of pain and betrayal, but estate planning attorneys note that such conversations are infrequent.

While 68% of Americans consider discussing end-of-life preparations with loved ones important, only 47% have actually done so, according to a 2022 Ethos survey of 1,000 adults. Meanwhile, a 2024 report from Trust & Will revealed that 34% of millennials are uncertain if their parents even have an estate plan, based on a poll of 1,000 adults.

If a client refuses to disclose information about their estate to their heirs, it can put an estate planner or financial advisor in a difficult position of having to disclose it after the client's death.

According to Martin Shenkman, a New Jersey-based estate planning attorney, many lawyers are reluctant to highlight the consequences of certain actions.

Unexpected heirs and beneficiaries

Experts suggest that one estate surprise may be assets given to a person, pet, or entity, such as a charity or alma mater, that the family wasn't expecting as a beneficiary. Additionally, it's possible that a previously unknown heir may step forward, such as a half sibling that the deceased's children weren't aware of.

According to a 2023 LegalShield survey, more than a third, or 36%, of people with a will have unexpected surprises for their beneficiaries in that document. The survey polled 1,316 adults.

A 2013 study in the Nevada Law Journal found that approximately 3% of wills in the U.S. are contested.

If a previously unknown heir emerges, the first step is to examine the will. If the will is ambiguous or unclear, such as when it specifies an asset to be divided "among my children" without specifying individual heirs, disputes may arise that may necessitate court intervention, as advised by Mitch Mitchell, Trust & Will's probate expert.

Genetic testing is rarely required to prove that a previously unknown heir is related under probate laws, which vary by state. Half siblings typically don't need to prove their relationship more than any other child of the deceased.

""Half siblings generally receive the same inheritance in equal parts with all other siblings when inheriting through a common parent, but the amount they receive may vary when inheriting through a sibling," Mitchell said."

If there is no will, the state's intestacy laws will decide how the property is divided, usually favoring the closest relatives, according to experts.

The kids 'don't always get along'

If someone is excluded from the inheritance or an inheritance is divided unequally, the process can be complicated, especially if the decedent does not explain their reasoning.

"Shenkman stated, "People often tell me that all the kids get along and understand what I've done, but this may be due to their appearance of agreement. However, once the parents are absent, their true emotions emerge, and they do not always get along.""

During the will-writing process, attorneys should engage in open and honest discussions with clients and inquire about their motivations, as advised by Shenkman.

In most cases, seeing parents or family members disinherit someone is a real kick in the gut, according to him.

Shenkman advises clients to have age-appropriate discussions with their children about inheritance, even if they don't reveal financial details. This can prevent any feelings of betrayal after a parent's passing and help children understand the reasoning behind the inheritance distribution.

'Don't write a will from anger'

Non-traditional family situations, such as same-sex couples, gender transitions, assisted reproduction, or surrogacies, can complicate the estate planning process. Creative solutions are needed to address any ambiguity in how wills or trusts are interpreted, experts say.

To ensure impartiality in the estate planning process, Shenkman suggests enlisting the help of a trust protector or friend who can provide objective perspectives when it's time to read the will.

Experts suggest that many individuals put off writing a will or establishing a trust because of procrastination or superstitions related to death. However, rethinking the estate planning process as a means of leaving a lasting legacy can help clients adopt a more compassionate, long-term perspective.

"To prevent difficulties, Shenkman advised doing everything with compassion rather than anger. He suggested not writing a will or an estate plan out of anger."