Overcoming financial infidelity and money secrets in relationships: How these couples managed to move forward.

Melissa Houston initially spent money on small online purchases such as shoes, clothes, and handbags. Later, she made larger purchases, including renovating the family room and installing a swimming pool in the backyard. She admits that her spending spree led to her family's finances becoming severely in debt, which she kept hidden from her husband.

Houston, a 48-year-old mother of two living in Ottawa, Canada, admitted that she went off the rails and accumulated over $100,000 worth of debt through credit.

She revealed the cost to him occasionally but kept the total amount hidden because she believed that if he knew, they wouldn't proceed with the renovations.

Houston, a former accountant who is now an entrepreneur, managed the household expenses for her husband Jamie and their children. This made it easy for her to keep her spending a secret, she admitted.

Jamie, 49, admitted that he was slightly suspicious, but since he trusted his wife, he did not pursue the matter further.

Melissa eventually revealed to him that she had accumulated six figures in credit card debt, and now they are dealing with this crisis together, although Jamie remains cautious.

He stated that he always maintains a slight level of caution.

Pandemic fuels ‘money secrets’

Nearly 60% of adults report that the pandemic has intensified financial stress in their relationship, potentially leading to financial deception or infidelity among couples who have combined finances, according to a poll.

Jill Hasday, a law professor at the University of Minnesota, stated that financial infidelity involves concealing financial information and transactions from one's partner, even when they have a clear understanding of what their partner wants to know. This act of withholding information ultimately harms the partner.

Discovering financial deception is often difficult, says Hasday, author of “Intimate Lies and the Law.” "Society tells us to trust our intimates, and it's very hard to overcome that," she said.

A report by Personal Capital reveals that 39% of adults avoid discussing money in romantic relationships, which can impact trust.

Getting serious ... and honest

At first, Kelsey DiCarlo, 29, was hesitant to discuss money with her boyfriend, Michael Mancuso.

DiCarlo, an account manager at an insurance company in New York, admitted that she avoided discussing money with her partner for several months to avoid confrontation.

Mancuso, 33, an appliance technician, advised against sharing too much too soon when dating someone.

The couple, who had been dating for over a year, eventually decided to live together. As they did, their discussions about her student loan debt and his aspiration to purchase property became increasingly candid.

Entrepreneurs who quit jobs to start their own businesses are optimistic, but still face challenges ahead.

DiCarlo, who runs a tutoring business, said, "We finally reached a point of comfort and trust."

She confessed that she was not ready to share ownership of the property at that time. He purchased the property independently.

Figuring things out together makes it more comfortable, Mancuso stated.

DiCarlo stated that while discussing money is crucial in establishing trust, it is not an effortless task. "It takes effort," she said. "It's not always a natural conversation."

Start having ‘money talks’

To establish or restore trust, it is beneficial to schedule regular financial discussions and align on shared financial objectives.

To initiate the "money talk," one could begin with a "show and tell" approach. This can be as simple as displaying bills or consolidating finances on a single Google sheet for review.

To ensure that you and your partner are on the same page after discovering financial cheating in a relationship, Hasday advises reviewing joint bank statements, credit card bills, and tax returns.

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