Op-ed: While money dates can be beneficial, they should not be celebrated on Valentine's Day. Instead, focus on the bigger picture.

• Couples are increasingly using money dates to discuss their finances as a team.
• But when and where you choose to talk about money matters.
• Instead of turning a special night out into a detailed meeting, focus on the things that are already bringing joy into your lives.

Tonight is the most romantic night of the year. You have secured the best reservation, purchased a thoughtful gift, and donned the ideal attire. You settle in. The waiter pours a full-bodied red wine. You lift your glass to toast your love, only for your partner to reveal a financial statement.

It’s not exactly what you had in mind.

Regular money dates are increasingly being used by couples to discuss their finances together. These dates can help couples enhance their joint problem-solving abilities and normalize difficult conversations that could otherwise lead to chronic stress in their relationship.

Discussing money matters with your loved one on Valentine's Day could lead to meaningful conversations, but it could also ruin the occasion and discourage you from having important dates in the future.

Perhaps it's time to leave the numbers at home and focus on something more romantic.

According to Maggie Vaughan, founder and executive director of Happy Apple, money dates are not only about managing finances, but also about strengthening the relationship, improving communication skills, and showing support to each other.

Vaughan observes that individuals who are anxious about their finances may attempt to alleviate their concerns by meticulously tracking every dollar spent. However, incessantly discussing their finances can lead to a loss of focus on the bigger picture, which is to use money to enhance one's quality of life beyond basic survival needs.

Instead of turning a special night out into a detailed meeting, focus on the joy that you already have in your life. Even better, dream.

Rewritten: Imagining the future together can be intimate, especially when both partners refrain from immediately shifting to discussing strategies for achieving specific outcomes. Create a vacation itinerary that includes exploring potential places to live in the future, without being deterred by Zillow's listings. Listen actively without passing judgment or offering criticism.

Both partners should have the opportunity to express their vision of a fulfilling life together. If both parties are comfortable, this open dialogue could pave the way for a more focused discussion on achieving those goals at a later time.

How to have a successful money date

After major life changes, it's recommended to schedule real money dates quarterly.

Ensure that you have a quiet and distraction-free environment to hold the date, such as a restaurant or park. Schedule a time that works for both of you and avoid any interruptions by turning off your devices.

Your net worth table and budget are your two technical sources of information that will guide a successful money date. They serve as your North Star, providing insight into your assets, liabilities, and the flow of money in and out of your life.

• Your net worth is calculated by subtracting your liabilities from your assets. A net worth table should include all your assets and liabilities to help you track your wealth over time. While it can provide a snapshot of your financial situation, it's more useful for understanding whether your wealth is increasing or decreasing.

• Your budget serves as a tool to monitor your spending habits and make informed decisions. Use data collected over at least six months, preferably a year, to calculate your monthly lifestyle costs by averaging your credit card balances, checking account withdrawals, and paycheck deductions for expenses such as health insurance. Compare your monthly lifestyle expenses to your earnings to determine if you need to make changes. Examine your larger fixed expenses, such as housing and transportation, and then consider smaller discretionary expenses, such as dining out, clothing, and entertainment. Agree with your partner on where to cut back, but be open to compromise and listen to their perspective. Don't dismiss their opinions; validate them and find a balance that works for both of you.

Have you recently revisited your feelings about work? Have you experienced any new or unforeseen financial challenges? Are you able to manage them without stress?

Have you and your partner talked about your goals, including any new ones discussed over Valentine's Day? Do you think it's time to start planning for them seriously? If so, where should they rank on your priority list?

Discovering mutual understanding and working as a team is the goal when answering emotional questions. It's important to give them their own dedicated time.

The Joint Account, a money newsletter for couples, is written by Douglas and Heather Boneparth. Douglas is a certified financial planner and the president of Bone Fide Wealth in New York City, while Heather is the firm's director of business and legal affairs. Additionally, Douglas is a member of the CNBC Financial Advisor Council.